Thursday, November 13th
My Lifecocktails & culinary delicacies, RSVP, no cover / 6pm-8pm
Poliform
180 NE 39th St.,
Suite 101
Design District
(305) 573-9950
Poliform Miami and Miami Magazine are throwing a two-hour cocktail party to showcase new displays by FLEXFORM and TRE-P&TRE-piu'. If you're interested in checking out the latest and greatest in interior design, RSVP to (305) 573-9950 or sole.perez@poliformusa.com.
(((SHAKE)))$1 Colt 45 tallboys -- 10pm-11pm, Colt 45 quarts & gin & juice specials all night, no cover till 11pm / 10pm-11pm
The Vagabond
30 NE 14th St.,
Overtown
(305) 379-0508
A mix of hip-hop and cool hipster vibe, Vagabond on Thursday is Miami's answer for a trendy, local, hip-hop hangout. Tonight, Dirty Hour deals and free cover until 11pm, along with Jose El Rey's birthday party and Bass Nite.
Colt 45 in a brown paper bag; you haven't been that classy since you decided to not give it up on prom night.
Happy Hourhalf off drinks, no cover / 6pm-8pm
Grass Restaurant & Lounge
28 NE 40th St.,
Design District
(305) 573-3355
If you're too scared to ask for her number tonight you can always come back tomorrow; Grass has back to back happy hours on Thursday and Friday. Or you should be a man and ask her tonight, and then you can just bring her back tomorrow.
Colombian Night2-for-1, no cover / 5pm-8pm
UVA
2626 Ponce de Leon Blvd.,
Coral Gables
(305) 476-8111
UVA is located on Ponce De Leon Blvd. Ponce De Leon was famous for his search of the legendary Fountain Of Youth, rumored to be somewhere in Florida. I'm not too big on legends, but if your fountain of youth comes dry and with a twist you can stop searching at least for the night.
Mojito Madness2-for-1 mojitos, no cover / 6pm-10pm
Hemisphere Bar
1601 Collins Ave.,
Inside the Loews Hotel
South Beach
(305) 604-1601
A traditional Cuban drink, the Mojito has Miami written all over it. The Hemisphere Bar is the perfect spot to sip on these popular drinks and watch the drunken out-of-towners.
Super Size Meall mixed drinks served in super sized cups, no cover / 10pm-1am
The Bar
172 Giralda Ave.,
(305) 442-2730
For some reason, this deal reminded me of a Walphin. Who knew a whale and a dolphin could mate? I guess it's true; something smaller can always go into something bigger.
Mee Drunk Naofree Miller Lite with $12.95 food purchase / 11am-11pm
Sum Yum Gai
1403 Washington Ave.,
South Beach
(305) 604-8889
Fine, that's not the real event title. Sum Yum doesn't have time for clever headlines and glossy flyers. But that's certainly how most denizens feel after a plate of Kung Pao chicken and 72 ounces of swipe.
WED | THURS | FRI | SAT | SUN | MON | TUES Friday, November 14th
96 cents, 96 minutes96 cent drinks, for 96 minutes / 6pm-7:36pm
Tobacco Road
626 S Miami Ave,
Downtown
(305) 374-1198
The Road is Miami's oldest bar. This piece opened up in 1912 and, to celebrate their upcoming 96th birthday and help us poor folk out in tough times, they're offering $0.96 drinks for 96 minutes starting at 6pm.
I only came here to do two things, kick some ass and drink some beer. Looks like we're almost outta beer.
Fridays At The Vagabondone dollar PBR & Stella drafts, no cover before 11pm / 10pm-12am
The Vagabond
30 NE 14th St.,
Overtown
(305) 379-0508
Vagabond on a Friday night offers one dollar PBR & Stella drafts as well as plenty of action. A Downtown Miami hipster hangout, this place is more difficult to beat then a red-headed stepchild. I know people don't like to get anywhere early in this town, but get there early to beat the line and get started on building up some liquid courage. On tap tonight are Cars Can Be Blue and Rafter.
Miami Living Magazine 5 Year Anniversary Partyopen P.I.N.K Vodka bar, no cover, RSVP required / 9pm-11pm
Dream Nightclub
1532 Washington Ave.,
South Beach
(305) 674-8018
Another Washington Ave hot spot that claims to cater to the South Beach elite, these clubs can disappear faster then Dick Cheney in a economic crisis. A night out on South Beach for a Miami magazine's anniversary party, with an open vodka bar, is bound to be a good time.
RSVP to MiamiLivingMagazine@gmail.com.
Friday Happy Hour Extravaganzaladies drink free / 5:30pm-7:30pm
The Bar
172 Giralda Ave.,
(305) 442-2730
Listen, here's the thing. If you can't spot the slut in the first half hour at The Bar, then you are the slut.
Happy Hourhalf off Dewars and Absolut, no cover / 5pm-7pm
The Globe Cafe and Bar
377 Alhambra Cir.,
Coral Gables
(305) 445-3555
The Globe sports a happy hour crowd that actually looks like they just came from work. If you're a trust fund baby just here to meet up with friends and check out the scene, don't worry, I've been assured by doctors that working is not contagious.
Happy Hourcomplimentary hors d'oeuvres, $6 cocktails / 6pm-7pm
Conrad Hilton Hotel, Level 25
1395 Brickell Ave.,
Brickell
(305) 503-6500
If you don't want to drop a hex on a killer cocktail, show up for the toothsome bites (courtesy of Chef Michael Gilligan), which will no doubt be reproduced in liquid form at 2:45 am somewhere between The Room and, well, your bathroom.
Cocktail Hourcomplimentary hors d'oeuvres and champagne, no cover, drink specials all night after 8:00pm / 6pm-8pm
View Bar
10295 Collins Ave.,
Regent Bal Harbour Hotel
So they tell me the original name chosen for Bal Harbour was Bay Harbour. However, the planning committee didn't think that was appropriate for a city that was on the beach. Thus, the "b" was taken from the word bay and the "a" and "l" were taken from the word Atlantic; hence the word "Bal" was created. Man, the excuses we drum up for being just plain hammered are fucking incredible.
Happy Hour2-for-1 everything, no cover / 5pm-8pm
UVA
2626 Ponce de Leon Blvd.,
Coral Gables
(305) 476-8111
I know what you're thinking: Why should I go to the GABLES when there is so much to be consumed elsewhere? Well, it's simple: vive en Miami, dude. Translation: disco, salsa, and marengue all become considerably easier after 6 vodka tees.
Happy Hourhalf off drinks, no cover / 6pm-8pm
Grass Restaurant & Lounge
28 NE 40th St.,
Design District
(305) 573-3355
Miami loves Friday happy hours like a fat kid loves cake.
Speaking of cake, I once tried to eat a five-pound bar of chocolate in five hours. I haven't liked chocolate since, but I'll always like happy hour.
Martini Fridaysfive dollar martinis, no cover / All Night
UVA 69
6900 Biscayne Blvd.,
Upper East Side
(305) 754-9022
The signature drinks here are the Uvalious martinis. That sounds dirty to me. Does that sound dirty to you? Shaken, not stirred.
Unwindfree well drinks, 2-for-1 premium, no cover / 7pm-11pm
Black Sheep Bar
721 Lincoln Ln.,
South Beach
(305) 531-7700
In honor of the end of the workweek, Black Sheep Bar is providing you with drinks so long as you show the bartender a business card, pay stub, or anything that says you're a working stiff. This may provide the perfect opportunity to get your normally conservative coworkers tanked and make the water cooler conversation a little more interesting come Monday morning.
WED | THURS | FRI | SAT | SUN | MON | TUES Saturday, November 15th
Poplife2-for-1 cocktails, no cover before midnight / 10pm-12pm
White Room
1306 N Miami Ave.,
(305) 995-5060
Yes, it's called the White Room because the main bar is a big white room. It's worth the trip into Overtown just to see the greatest collection of fauxhawks ever assembled in one place. Besides, aren't you tired of driving out to the beach? This Saturday check out special guest Prince Terrence.
Mix It Up Saturdays2-for-1 well drinks and domestic beer, no cover / 11pm-2am
Fox's
6030 S Dixie Hwy.,
(305) 666-2230
Fox's also offers a handy carryout service that stays open almost all night. So if you need to get back to the beach, pick up a few road sodas for the trip back.
Cocktail Hourcomplimentary hors d'oeuvres and champagne, no cover, drink specials all night after 8:00pm / 6pm-8pm
View Bar
10295 Collins Ave.,
Regent Bal Harbour Hotel
So they tell me the original name chosen for Bal Harbour was Bay Harbour. However, the planning committee didn't think that was appropriate for a city that was on the beach. Thus, the "b" was taken from the word bay and the "a" and "l" were taken from the word Atlantic; hence the word "Bal" was created. Man, the excuses we drum up for being just plain hammered are fucking incredible.
Red Bull Saturdays2-for-1 Red Bull Vodkas, no cover / 6pm-10pm
Hemisphere Bar
1601 Collins Ave.,
Inside the Loews Hotel
South Beach
(305) 604-1601
Here's a way to ensure you won't be in need of Bolivian marching powder come 3:00 a.m.
The Functioncomplimentary food and drink, no cover / 9pm-11pm
Kitchen 305
16701 Collins Ave.,
Newport Beachside Hotel & Resort
(305) 749-2110
The Function, an event presented by Six Degrees Magazine, is located in Kitchen 305, a North Beach hangout that offers a South Beach feel.
The Spam Allstars, providing a motley crew of music genres, will entertain you with their unique beats tonight.
WED | THURS | FRI | SAT | SUN | MON | TUES Sunday, November 16th
Happy Hour Sun Showercomplimentary cocktails, no cover / 7pm-8pm
The Catalina Hotel & Beach Club
1732-1756 Collins Avenue,
South Beach
(305) 674-1160
It's Sunday and you look like shit, so why not come here and stare at all the people who look like Natalie fucking Portman, even while nursing a 24-hour coke hangover and a weekend void of bathing.
Signature Cocktail Night2-for-1 / 6pm-10pm
Hemisphere Bar
1601 Collins Ave.,
Inside the Loews Hotel
South Beach
(305) 604-1601
It's Sunday, do you REALLY need another drink? Sunday, bloody fucking Sunday.
Mee Drunk Naofree Miller Lite with $12.95 food purchase / 11am-11pm
Sum Yum Gai
1403 Washington Ave.,
South Beach
(305) 604-8889
Fine, that's not the real event title. Sum Yum doesn't have time for clever headlines and glossy flyers. But that's certainly how most denizens feel after a plate of Kung Pao chicken and 72 ounces of swipe.
WED | THURS | FRI | SAT | SUN | MON | TUES Monday, November 17th
Karaoke Mondaysget on the mic -- get a free drink, no cover / 4pm-8pm
Automatic Slims
1216 Washington Ave.,
(305) 695-0795
Monday sucks almost as bad as my singing, but if you like to sing and a free drink would make you happy, then check out Slims. When you wake up with a hangover you can pretend it's a four-day week. Skank.
Mee Drunk Naofree Miller Lite with $12.95 food purchase / 11am-11pm
Sum Yum Gai
1403 Washington Ave.,
South Beach
(305) 604-8889
Fine, that's not the real event title. Sum Yum doesn't have time for clever headlines and glossy flyers. But that's certainly how most denizens feel after a plate of Kung Pao chicken and 72 ounces of swipe.
WED | THURS | FRI | SAT | SUN | MON | TUES Tuesday, November 18th
Shuffle Tuesdays2-for-1 well drinks and domestic beer, no cover / 11pm-2am
Fox's
6030 S Dixie Hwy.,
(305) 666-2230
A shady looking joint that inside looks like it could be the set of a 8mm snuff film, Fox's offers old school feel and good food. Make sure if you're planning on ordering the prime rib that you call ahead because it doesn't last and of course you can hit up the walk-up liquor store window on your way out.
Bombs AwayJager, Grape, Cherry, & Irish Car Bombs all $3.50 / 10pm-12am
The Bar
172 Giralda Ave.,
(305) 442-2730
Jager bomb, grape bomb, cherry bomb, you're cool, car bomb. I'm Out!
1/2 price wine night!all bottles of wine 1/2 off / 6pm-close
Novecento Brickell
1414 Brickell Ave.,
Brickell
(305) 403-0900
Monday I am always poor. Wednesday, Thursday, Friday too. Oh, Saturday can't spend a dime on you, but Tuesday, I'm in love. She may not like The Cure, but she'll be your Lovecat after a few bottles of discounted Mendoza.
Beer Night2-for-1 draft beer, no cover / 6pm-10pm
Hemisphere Bar
1601 Collins Ave.,
Inside the Loews Hotel
South Beach
(305) 604-1601
Nobody's here except the four drunken whores who missed their flight back to Charlotte last night. But the beer is cheap and the week is young.
EVERY DAY
Happy Hourentire bar 2-for-1 / 8am-7pm
Mac's Club Deuce
222 14th St,
South Beach
(305) 531-6200
Oh, I know what you're thinking. "Dude, this is NOT an open bar." Simmer down, tight-fisted twat. When drinks are already about as cheap as a roadside arepa, the least you could do is cough up a coupla quarters and make it appear as if you serve some purpose in life.
Happy Hourcomplimentary vodka, rum, and gin, no cover / 7pm-8pm
Chesterfield Hotel
855 Collins Ave,
South Beach
(305) 531-5831
Well, the truth is, I'll know more by 8:00.
Happy HourMonday through Friday, half-off all liquor, 40% off beer / 4pm-8pm
Monty's Raw Bar
300 Alton Rd.,
(305) 672-1148
If you were looking for a cheap happy hour place on South Beach you found it. Monty's also has a raw bar, so if you were looking for one of those you found that as well. I don't get it. Cheap drinks, raw bar, South Beach - really don't know what else to tell you.
Happy Hour2-for-1, entire bar / 5pm-7pm
Clinton Hotel
825 Washington Ave.,
South Beach
305-938-4040
Any place that names its restaurant Ratatouille immediately after a film of the same name strikes it big is respectfully shady in my book. I'll drink to that.
Happy Hour2-for-1, entire bar / 4pm-8pm
Indian Creek Hotel
2727 Indian Creek Dr.,
South Beach
305-531-2727
Get your date drunk enough so she won't want to eat at the delicious Creek 28, which won't be 2-for-1.
Happy HourMonday through Friday, half priced drinks, no cover / 4pm-7pm
Andu Restaurant & Lounge
141 SW 7th St.,
Brickell
(786) 871-7005
Just think of the possibilities if everything in life was half-priced. There is no spoon.
Happy Hour2-for-1 Everything / 12pm-12am
Bellini
510 Ocean Dr.,
South Beach
This address changes hands more often than Pee Wee Herman at the movies. n.b. -- This place is now called Barolo; same deal.
Happy HourMonday through Friday, 2-for-1 drinks, no cover / 4pm-7pm
The Playwright
1265 Washington Ave.,
South Beach
(305) 534-0667
Okay, so it's not exactly every day, but it is every weekday. If it makes up for it, this place is easier to get laid at then a brothel.
Happy Hourhalf off entire bar, no cover / 4pm-7pm
Berries
2884 SW 27th Ave.,
(305) 448-2111
Some movies you can just watch over and over again. I'm a Pulp Fiction fan. Tell that bitch be cool.
Sure, it's more restaurant than bar, but the ladies love this place.
Happy Hour2-for-1 on all drinks, no cover / Monday through Saturday, 4pm-7pm
UVA 69
6900 Biscayne Blvd.,
Upper East Side
(305) 754-9022
Miami has some of the worst drivers in the country. Sometimes I drive around thinking I'm in a real live game of Paperboy. That's probably not helping things out.
Happy Hourhalf off drinks, no cover / 4pm-7pm
Dolores But You Can Call Me Lolita
1000 South Miami Ave.,
Brickell
(305) 403-3103
I haven't figured out the name, but I don't think it has anything to do with the Long Island Lolita. This is still Miami though so I guess you never know.
Happy Hour2-for-1 beer specials, no cover / Monday through Friday, 4pm-8pm
Joe's Tiki Bar & Grill
3301 Rickenbacker Causeay,
(305) 454-3385
You don't get more local then Joe's. Located next to the marina, with views of Biscayne Bay and Downtown Miami, it's worth the trip down the causeway just to take in the view.
Hold on to your toll receipt because Joe will pick it up.
Happy Hourhalf off all drinks, no cover during happy hour / 4pm-7pm
Blue Martini
900 S Miami Ave.,
Brickell
(305) 350-5051
I've heard that if you can't bag a cougar here that it's time to hang up your hunting rifle.
Happy Hour2-for-1 entire bar, no cover / 3pm-9pm
Black Sheep Bar
721 Lincoln Ln.,
South Beach
(305) 531-7700
If you tell your boss you're taking a half-day then you can hit up this entire 6 hour, happy hour. This might call for more cowbell.
Happy Hourhalf price drinks, no cover / Monday through Saturday 4:30pm-6:30pm
Town Kitchen & Bar
7301 SW 57th Ct.,
South Miami
(305) 740-8118
Are you not entertained? Are you not entertained? Is this not why you are here?
It's happy hour, it's half priced, and it's time to drink.
Happy Days of SummerMonday through Friday, half price entire bar, no cover / 3pm-7pm
Pelican Bar & Restaurant
826 Ocean Dr.,
South Beach
(305) 673-1000
If you're thinking happy days of summer are over you've never been in a Boston snowstorm. Soon you'll be toasted enough to head out into the South Beach surf sending taunting text messages to your friends up in the northeast.
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